#sunset #drivehome #Quincy
I just want to find someone who wants the same things as me. I’m sick of dating and getting mixed signals from guys who say they want something meaningful, to just turn around and disappear when things start to get serious. I think it’s even more frustrating because I found out that exactly what I want exists at such an early age, and now I’m stuck knowing that it is out there and can happen, I just haven’t found it again. I know I’m not unrealistic, wanting some sort of idealistic relationship that doesn’t ever happen that so many people seem to expect.
What’s really eating at me at this point is that the man who made me experience things that I’ve never felt before and that I have yet to feel again is getting married to another woman in a couple months, and hearing this news hit me like a ton of bricks even though I knew it was going to happen eventually. I knew fully well nothing was going to come of it long term, even while it was happening. We were in two different places in our lives, and it just wouldn’t have made sense.
Part of me is glad that I know I can feel the way I did about him, that I can love someone that much and still want someone as much as I did when things were new and exciting, no matter how much time had passed. It’s also a little scary, knowing that I could get hurt so badly again…but I suppose I can’t think like that.
It’s even crazier thinking that it’s the small, simple things I miss about him more than anything. The things I notice that other guys don’t do, and not in a terrible way…but things that he specifically thought to do that other guys may not think matter. Waking up at 5am (after getting a couple hours sleep after spending the whole night talking) to drive to work, an hour there and back for him, he would bring a blanket and turn on my seat warmer so I could try to get an extra hour of sleep on the ride. He’d get me to work just in the knick of time, and then he’d run and grab me a coffee and drop it back off to me. He’d always wake up before me, and he’d make breakfast and coffee and bring it to me in bed and we’d enjoy a cuddly morning meal together. He’d be a gentleman and pay every time we went out even though I insisted he didn’t. Every day to day thing like having a beer and food ready for me when I came over after work, that became magical (as lame as that may sound). It meant the world to me, because I knew he was constantly thinking about me and how to make me happy. I don’t think he even realized how hard it made me fall for him, because that’s just the kind of person he was.
Just thinking about all of those things again makes me hurt so badly because my desire for it again comes rushing back. Having to face that I will never have HIM again is one of the hardest things I’ll have to do, but I’m young and I know there are MANY more people to meet in my life and many more things to experience and I know I’ll meet someone that can make me feel that way again. At least, that’s what I have to believe to get by.
He’s at least helped me realized that I am deserving of that kind of love and treatment, and for that I’ll always be thankful. He’s helped me realize that I shouldn’t jump into anything just to be in a relationship (although I’ve never been the type of person to be with someone just to be with them). He made me realize that even though the hurt is something I can’t put into words, it’s absolutely worth it to put my heart out there and find someone who makes me feel that way again. I suppose I’ll need some patience (which is not my strong suit) and faith to get me by for the time being.
*plays “Someone Like You” by Adele on repeat while sobbing in bed*
I’ll get over it. I have to. Woooosaaaaaah, vent sesh over.
#ihop #soexcited @swashbucklingcougarfish (at IHOP)
#Boston #city #night #sepia #lights #bokeh
Oh is it Sunday? #sundayfunday #fuckmonday #howlatthemoon #Boston #pianobar @swashbucklingcougarfish and @araujoo88 before he realized he had no ID 😖
#insomnia #girlswithpiercings #girlswithtattoos #redhairdontcare #redhead #ginger #bokeh #vintage #filter #whysoserious
Free time = nail art. 💅 #nails #diy #manicure #nailart
Lol forgot I took this pic a few weeks ago! #dogsofinstagram #husky #tongueout #silly #prettypup